Missing my Mom around the holidays

The holidays can be a tough time when you are still grieving the loss of someone very special to you. As much as I am enjoying this season and all the joy that my kids are getting out of it, I also find myself with tears in my eyes more often than normal, thinking about my Mom. I’ve been getting some grief counseling as of late, too, so I’m sure that dealing with those issues and bringing all the pain back to the surface has made my heart even more tender.

It’s just that, a year and a half going by just doesn’t “fix” that hole that you feel in your heart. Time does help, but I still feel that loss every day and wish I could call my Mom. It’s truly an irreplaceable loss.

The past two nights I have had dreams about my Mom, and even though dreams are dreams, they have really affected me emotionally. I have woken up with a sense of sadness and I realize yet again how grieved I am that I don’t get to ever spend time with her again in this life.

You do what you can, and I try to honor her in all the little Christmas traditions she loved and did. My tree will always be filled with a hodge podge of ornaments that have real meaning to me, especially because so many of them were giving to me by her. My kids (especially Liam) are getting so much joy out of the advent calendar hanging in our home – it’s the same handcrafted one that my siblings & I had while growing up and it’s so awesome reading a piece of the story of Jesus’ each day in my mom’s handwriting.

So while I’m sure it will be a lovely Christmas, I want to take a moment to say, “Mom, I miss you!” I don’t think that will ever change. I will never stop missing my Mom.


3 thoughts on “Missing my Mom around the holidays

  1. Kelly, you are Loved! I admire the tender & sweet way that you express yourself, you have such a rich wealth of memories of your dear Mom. I miss her. She was simply a beautiful and delightful and gracious ~ and funny lady : )
    sending you a big Hug!

  2. Thanks for sharing this Kelly. I feel the same. I love to use the recipes that are in my mom’s handwritting. My tree is similar with precious memories, more like a history-tree in many ways. While its a great time of the year on one hand, it is also very hard at times. Tears are ok. Thinking of you and praying. Blessings to you in the midst of it~

  3. Thank you for sharing your heart Kelly. I know the holidays are all about special times and memories with family. I was just going through my recipes tonight, looking for”Texas Cavier” and when I found it, I noticed a tiny bit of writing on the bottom which turned out to be a note from Mickey. It touched my heart. She made Christmas beautiful. Her table decorated with candles and a pretty centerpiece. Colorful plates of food, M+M’s, nuts, etc.

    Sharing your sadness. Praying for you and the family, with love

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