Today’s my birthday, and I can’t help but remember a year ago today how different things were… I hate to reflect on the sad times leading up to when mom left us, but it’s hard not to remember, since my birthday was so close to when she died (about 5 weeks later). And when I remember, it brings back the memories of how selfless my mom was…
Last February 7th, mom was feeling so sick but still wanted to help me celebrate my birthday.
Last February 7th, she stayed in bed all throughout while we ate dinner. She just didn’t have the strength.
Last February 7th, when it was time for cake, she came out and cut me and everyone else a big piece, while cutting herself a tiny sliver (of which she could only stomach one bite). But she still wanted to be a part of it.
Last February 7th, she gave me what would be the last quilt that she would ever make for me. I designated it Lauren’s baby quilt (since mom did not live long enough to make her an official baby quilt) and it hangs proudly on her wall. Thinking back, I believe mom at that point knew she didn’t have a lot of time left on this earth because she went into overdrive mode, finishing a few last projects, even though it was so hard for her to sit at that sewing machine.
Last February 7th, I cried when she gave me that quilt. I thought to myself, “Is this the last birthday I spend with my mom? Is this the last quilt she will ever make me?” I didn’t want her to see me crying, so I stepped away, pretending to just look at the quilt spread out in my hands. When I realized there was no way I could hide my crying and sadness, I came back to the table and said, “Darn pregnancy hormones! I can’t stop crying!” (I was a few months pregnant already at this point).
Last February 7th, I knew. I knew this was the beginning of the end.
But THIS February 7th, things are different.
THIS February 7th, I have a mom who worships at the throne of my Jesus.
THIS February 7th, I have a mom who no longer has any more pain, worry, sadness, or suffering.
THIS February 7th, I remember a mom who loved me and loved us and spent her whole life sacrificing for others. I love her, and I miss her, and I am SO happy that today she is happy and free from sickness.
THIS February 7th, Jesus has conquered my mom’s cancer. She is HEALED eternally!!!