So for the whole month of November, I have been posting one thing a day that I am thankful for on my Facebook page. It has been a great exercise in realizing how many things I truly do have to be thankful for, even amidst what has felt like a very sorrow-filled & difficult year.
Although I have tried not to make every thankful post be about my mom, it is hard to stray too far from that subject as it is often on my mind. So here are two of them that I posted in relation to Mom:
Day 3 of 30 Days of Thanks: Today, I am thankful that I had an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G mom for 27 years of my life. She was spunky, fun-loving, spontaneous, and a great teacher all at the same time! Miss you, Mom!
Day 15 of Thankfulness: Today I am SO thankful for the cookbook that my mom put together of her best & most loved recipes and gave me for my wedding. What a treasure it is making her recipes & remembering her throughout the week.
I am finding that as time goes by, I am able to remember the happy things & things that I am thankful for more often than I remember the time of her sickness. While I will NEVER forget all the feelings of anxiety, anger, sadness and fear during the 8.5 months that she was diagnosed with cancer leading up to her death, and I will never forget the devastation of seeing my mom’s health rapidly deteriorate, I am thankful that God provides a protective mechanism in TIME in that the further we get away from a traumatic event, the less we remember the scary things and the more we are able to remember the happy times.
I know that I have SO much to be thankful for. Mom worked so hard to give us a loving, fun, God-filled upbringing. She was always the first one up any morning, making sure all of her kids & her husband were well-fed and cared for ( click here for more on that) and when we went to bed each night our home was clean and comfortable. She was such a diligent & hard worker and I find myself thinking about her often as I go about doing my household chores or mothering duties, thinking, “I think Mom would be proud.”
And in a lot of ways I want to live my life so that if mom WERE able to catch a sneak peak down here & see what we’ve been up to and how we are doing, she would smile and say, “I knew they would be ok and I’m so proud of them.”
Mom didn’t often (actually, hard at ALL) talk about the what-if’s if she didn’t get healed of her cancer, but I do remember one time in the final days where she said to me, “If I don’t make it, YOU WILL BE OK. You are strong and you will do it.” It made me sob then and it still makes me sob now, but I am grateful for those words.
And I am thankful that I had such a fantastic mom for 27 years and will see her again one day.