I’m going to make a confession…
Since my mom’s death 6.5 months ago, I’ve kind of been in a spiritual funk of sorts.
It’s not that I blamed God or was angry with God or ANYTHING like that. I just felt kind of dead inside, if that makes sense. The trauma of losing Mom just sort of made me shut down in a lot of ways, and I just didn’t have the energy to do much of anything.
And since she died, I’ve had a hard time reading my Bible regularly. And often I forget to pray like I know I should. I still have been going to church and I still believe just as strongly as I always have… I just think that the intense sense of loss and sadness that I have felt made me feel so emotionally exhausted that all I could do was go through the motions of life – doing the basics each day but forgetting to specifically spend time with the Lord.
So as I sat rocking Lauren today, tears came to my eyes as I realized how much I have missed Him. How much I want to feel Him in my life intensely again. I felt God give me the following verse:
“For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
Though there may still be weeping in the days and months (and years) ahead, I need to strive to still rejoice in the Lord. I need to reunite with Him. And so I am committing to do that starting today. So many times as a child, I remember walking into Mom’s room to find her either reading her Bible or on her knees praying. And I want to follow her example. I want to make Mom proud. Because when it comes down to it, it is THOSE things that are the only things that really matter in our lives here on earth. What are we doing for JESUS?