Soon after my mom died, I ordered several books about dealing with grief, and more specifically about dealing with the loss of a mother.
I’ve probably read this book three or four times now, and I feel like each time I find some other item within it that I relate to that I hadn’t noticed before.
Here’s a few interesting stats that the book mentions:
* Three months after the loss, 80% say they still miss their mothers very much.
* 74% said losing a mother was one of the hardest things they had ever dealt with
* 67% continued to experience emotional reactions, including sadness and crying, for one to five years after the death.
* 86% reported a shift in their priorities after a mother’s death.
I think that the misunderstanding that so widely exists with the loss of loved ones is that after a short initial mourning period, people get “back to normal” and feel great again. And while it IS true that things get easier each day, what this book taught me early on is that I can’t really ever expect to “get over” losing Mom. It will always be something I carry with me, the rest of my life. And I know this is true, because my mom lost HER mom at age 27 (the same age I was when mom died), and I remember mom talking about the loss of her mom in tears and sadness even in recent years!
Just today I ordered one other book from this same author. This one is titled: “Motherless Mothers: How Mother Loss Shapes the Parents We Become”. I’m REALLY looking forward to devouring this one too, and hopefully I will get to read it before Lauren’s arrival. For me, parenting is the area where I feel my mom’s loss almost the most. While she was alive (and especially before she got sick), I talked to her (usually on the phone, since she lived in a different state or town than me most of the time) almost daily, and I really appreciated her input and advice on parenting issues. Unfortunately, I didn’t get much time with her wisdom parenting-wise, because Liam is still so young so we were just starting down the road of training up a child.
So anyway, I am looking forward to reading Hope Edelman’s book on parenting without your mom around. A quote that I read from her book already tells me that it is going to be a worthwhile read:
“When motherhood interfaces with the long-term mourning process, the result is exponential. Becoming a mother can give a motherless daughter access to a more enhanced, more insightful, deeper, richer, and, in some cases, ultimate phase of mourning for her mother, one that may initially be painful but eventually leads her to a more mature and peaceful acceptance of both her loss and herself.”